I playedFinal Fantasy 7for the first time a couple months ago -RemakeandRebirth, not the original. A couple months before that, I underwent an assessment for neurodivergency - autistic tendencies. This is one hell of an opener.
How are these two things relevant to each other? Surprisingly, I found myself seeing similarities in the struggles of Cloud Strife. I don’t mean locked away memories – that’s a story for another time – but in how Cloud deals with social emotion.
This is where I get reallycool and mysterious: my whole life, I’ve struggled with expressing emotion or very basic social normalities. Not through lack of awareness; most of the time, I’m painfully aware of what I should be doing in any given social situation, and yet still cannot do it. Scratch what I said earlier, there’s nothing cool or mysterious about it. It’s actually incredibly frustrating, something that fights back as hard as I fight to fit in.
You don’t need to tell me I’m not actually cool and mysterious; I know.
Final Fantasy 7 Retrospection, Am I Right?
I work on trying to better express myself, and it’s something I’ll be working on for the rest of my life. That’s okay. But one of the things I realised with Cloud’s journey is that, when you surround yourself with people who really care about you, who want to see the best for you, and who are saints when it comes to patience and understanding - something that you may’t automatically expect from others - then that work becomes a lot easier. Not something for them to carry, and it still is work on your part, but it becomes something that alleviates some of the weight you put on yourself.
A call to action?In this economy??Yes: Please feel free to share any of your own personal experiences or characters in the threads at the bottom of the article.
The thing that remains funny to me (if that’s the right word to use) is that, when I started my time with Final Fantasy 7 Remake, I thought I was going to hate Cloud. He’s just a cut-off guy, too good for everyone, and only cares about himself. But as I spent time with him, his vulnerabilities, his reasonings, as I really got to know him, I started to see the same things I struggle with when it comes to expression.
Does that mean people see me as a cut-off guy who thinks he’s too good for everyone and is pretty selfish? I know that’s been true in the past, and that makes a lot more sense to me now. Where you might think Cloud is unfeeling, stoic, and stone cold, he’s not. He’s just kinda like me. That realisation has been one of the most surprising moments I’ve ever experienced in a game.
There’s More Humanity To Cloud Than I Assumed
This is a pretty vague way to describe my feelings about the character; I spent 150 hours playing as Cloud, and there are so many moments where I really felt his character development. Not in the large fights or the heroic bravery or the moments he takes on the world, but in the moments he cares, he breaks a smile, or when he struggles to say what’s on his mind. Especially that last bit.
When Cloud doesn’t understand Aerith signalling for a high five? Yep, I feel that. When Cloud can’t take a compliment and spouts some dry, unrelated response? Me too, buddy. When Cloud says literally nothing to Marlene and she runs off, only for Barrett to get angry at Cloud for scaring her? Look, Barrett, I’m not good with kids at the best of times, let alone when they have social skills further developed than my own.
Right now, I’m struggling to really convey what’s on my mind with this. Maybe I’m still figuring that bit out. Needless to say, Final Fantasy 7 has quickly become special to me. It was a game I wanted to get around to playing for many years because it’s ‘one of the greats’, but I’ve related to it and its eco-terrorist protagonist more than I could have ever imagined.
