Every time I tell people about my time inBaldur’s Gate 3, I’m met with shock, disbelief, and questions - here’s why.Doctors don’t want you to know step three.
Baldur’s Gate 3 is known for many things; bringingD&Dto life for a whole new audience, being one of the most thoughtful and creative RPGs in years, and offering no shortage of quality over its 100+ hours of adventure through the Sword Coast.
However, it’s mainly known as a dating simulator, and we all know I’musing the word ‘date’ loosely.
We All Know Why You’re Here, You Deviant
If that wasn’t enough of a reputation for Baldur’s Gate 3 already, it’s also well known that these characters are thirstier than [insert southern phrase here]. You could say all the wrong things, perform horrendous acts, and even have a personal grudge against every single one of them, and yet still - someone (probably Halsin) will throw themselves at you.
So tell me: why did nobody want me? I made it through the whole game, 120 hours, with less spice than British cuisine. It’s not like I was actively avoiding these situations, and I had close relationships with the characters, but my character - my charming bard - was basically just me. And now that kind of stings.
Anyway, Here Are Some Lovingly Suggested Titles For My ‘Playstyle’:
I’m Pretty Sure Not One Single Person Has Done This, I’m Probably Special
Whenever Baldur’s Gate 3 comes up in conversation, the usual question you’ll get is, “Who did you romance?” I didn’t. I didn’t romance anyone. No, I didn’t avoid it or turn anyone down. I just somehow got friend-zoned by the entire cast.
Okay, I might have turned down the Emperor, but… that doesn’t count.
Karlach? Yeah, we’re besties. It’s fine. Shadowheart? I’m like a brother to her, I guess. Even Halsin seemed more depressed than usual when engaging in a conversation with me. I think the best offer I got was Astarion wanting to bite my neck, but I don’t think there were affectionate intentions behind that one.
I can’t stress this enough:I was a bard. My Charisma proficiency was my highest stat, and I could easily roll 30+ for Charisma with my modifiers pretty consistently. I convinced numerous bosses to off themselves, and many others to not engage me in combat. I changed minds, I changed perspectives, but I could never change hearts.
So when all was said and done, and the world was saved, everyone went their separate ways with their lives. Me? I didn’t have a plan, or anyone to stick with. When it came time for the reunion in the epilogue, it was a friendly “Ooohh, look who it is! How have you been? Haha.”
Just a hug would have been nice, you know?
