When you think of RPGs, you usually picture epic quests, mystical powers, seedy taverns, and cartoonishly evil villains. When you think ofStar Wars, you usually picture epic quests, mystical powers, seedy taverns, and cartoonishly evil villains, but in spaaaaaaace. Star Wars and classic role-playing games share a number of similarities, but one area that sees a bit of a disconnect is the characters.
Many of your favorite figures in a galaxy far, far away don’t play particularly well with others, and despite the several fantastic Star Wars RPGs out there, they’d largely be delightfully atrocious additions to any typical RPG party. But who would be the absolute worst choices to have your back in a turn-based battle against some palette-swapped wolves?
8Poe Dameron
“I’ve Dealt With Plenty Of Trigger-Happy Flyboys Like You. You’re Impulsive. Dangerous. And The Last Thing We Need Right Now.” -Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo
As a lead character,hotshot pilot Poe Dameronwould rock any game’s socks. He’s got the charisma and self-confidence of a sci-fi Nathan Drake, and the wardrobe to match in some cases. So put him in a solo adventure and he’d quip his way to the Golden Joystick Awards.
But as a party member? You might as well get a level 70 Charizard from Professor Oak. Poe isn’t listening to a word you say. You saw it in The Last Jedi. This prime cut meathead has major problems with authority, and any RPG party that expects him to work with the team will soon become intimately familiar with the escape button.
7Doctor Aphra
“I’m Not Sick! I Just… I Get Things Wrong. I’m Selfish. I… I Use People. But…I Don’t Expect To Sleep Well. Ever.”
Every good story needs a good troublesome lesbian. Those are just the rules. Star Wars has only recently realized this truth with its ever-growing collection of comics featuring Doctor Chelli Lona Aphra, a former Imperial archaeologist with unfortunate people skills.
Aphra’s loyalties lie with nobody but herself, which makes her a fascinating central figure but a terrible choice as a party member. If she was part of any RPG party, she’d be on the lookout for an exit strategy from minute one, and you don’t want that kind of energy at your side against some demon lord she’d probably attempt to strike a bargain with.
6Lando Calrissian
“I’ve Done All I Can. I’m Sorry I Couldn’t Do Better, But I Got My Own Problems.”
Few people in the galaxy will get as much use out of a mirror as Lando Calrissian. The man loves the sound of his own everything, and the charisma born from that bottomless well of self-obsession has ensured that he quite often gets what he wants. But when he doesn’t, few things matter more than saving his own skin.
Even though he tends to do the right thing (eventually), Lando still looks out for number one more often than not.A proper RPG partyneeds everyone willing to make split-second decisions in battle and life that support everyone, a philosophy that would likely frown upon Lando trying to lasso random townsfolk into his get-rich-quick schemes.
5Chopper
“It’s Got Lots Of Attitude For A Machine.” -Ezra Bridger
Let’s face it. Few characters in Star Wars do as much damage and carry as high a fascist body count as C1-10P, aka Chopper. As the little buddy of the famously level-headed Hera Syndulla, he serves as the perfect chaotic antithesis in any Imperial entanglements.
But despite his destructive potential, having Chopper in an RPG party would be like Fallout adding a silencer to the Fat Man. There’s no wrangling this beast. You just point him at a security system connected to something you want to stop existing and wait.
4Jar Jar Binks
“It’s A Longo Tello, But A Small Part Of It Would Be Mesa… Clumsy.”
Jar Jar Binks has always gotten a bad rap, and it took most folks far too long to realize it. His bumbling comic relief antics stand the test of time better than you might expect, and the incredible energy from Ahmed Best as the character remains pretty much unmatched to this day.
But seeing as how many of Jar Jar’s triumphs have been accidental, it seems pretty clear that, in gaming terms, the dude has an incredible luck stat. Have you ever tried to play an RPG with a luck-based build? It’s an exercise in frustration, just hoping you’ll stumble into success. Jar Jar is great, but he’s the kind ofcharacter you’d play in Dungeons & Dragonswhen you’re more concerned about comedy than victory.
3Grogu
“He’s Stubborn.” -Din Djarin
He’s 50 years old, true. But Grogu is quite literally a baby. He can’t even talk. Granted, the character wouldn’t be anywhere near as cute if he started speaking, so it’s understandable that the creators of The Mandalorian are hesitant. But it doesn’t change the fact.
There have been many RPGs out there with characters who can’t speak (like animals) or are just straight-up children. But at least they seem capable of following orders. Grogu’s penchant for pressing buttons he shouldn’t betrays a serious lack of respect that would severely (albeit hilariously) ruin any stealth mission the party wishes to undertake.
2Kay Vess
“Can’t Trust Someone’s Always Gonna Be There.”
InStar Wars Outlaws, Kay Vess is basically a complete newcomer to the criminal underworld, and as such,is almost hilariously bad at it. Sure, she gets better, eventually worming her way into the good graces of several syndicates (or making them all want her dead, that charmer). But it doesn’t happen through teamwork.
Kay doesn’t play well with others. She’ll take on crew members for a job and help out the occasional farmer in peril, but in the end, she’s only loyal to herself and her little buddy Nix. Admittedly, sending Nix to ruin enemies' mascara would be a great Rinoa-style attack. But Kay will have one foot out the door the whole time, and don’t expect her to pull a Peebee and eventually warm up to everyone.
1Han Solo
“Look, I Ain’t In This For Your Revolution, And I’m Not In It For You, Princess. I Expect To Be Well Paid. I’m In It For The Money.”
Every single time Han Solo grows a new conscience and learns to care for people other than himself, he’s just back on his bull honkey by the next movie. He has the capacity for empathy, but few things are as precious to Han as the pure freedom that comes from being just a little bit of a dingus to everyone.
Put him in an RPG party with a clear and long-term goal, and Han would become a petulant child by day two. He’s been a general and taken part in wars before. But just like Kay Vess, he’s a scoundrel to the core, and taking orders for too long will probably make him break out in petty hives.
